So you're going back again?

Just came back from my first mentor dinner after rejoining (actually I'ven't even officially rejoined, anyways). A hell mixed of feelings. Happy yet worried. Familiar yet strange. Eager yet uncertain. It has been barely just nine months that I’ve decided that commercial is not for me (and probably non-profitable sector too). And it's also just nine months, but I've already felt that I've lagged behind others so much, really so much... fast, fast! fast, fast! Yay, I'm back to the super multi-tasking world again where everything is fast, fast... kuai dian, kuai dian!

A couple of months ago, I received the same stunned reactions from all whom first got to know that I would be re-joining my previous firm... “Shock! …Surprise! …Are you sure??? …Huh???! …You were so determined then …It must have been really bad now…”
Some even went to the extent of sms-ing me to confirm the truth when they heard it somewhere from somebody. Almost all in unison questioned my sanity and asked me to re-visit my decision process.

I’ve been warned of the thousand changes to work approaches, standards and people. I’ve heard stories of people who returned and left again – all within a year (and some in less than 6 months). I’ve been questioned a zillionth time about my seriousness in re-joining even until today when I’m going to report for work in a few days’ time. No matter how much I assure everyone (and myself) that I’m really prepared for all, please understand that there’s really no 100% assurance. Even though I wish I could tell everyone that there is.

While I understand that nearly everyone is well-meaning and wanted me to make sure that I know what I’m doing, sometimes I couldn’t help but feel really fed-up having to convince everyone for something that I wanna do for myself. To a point sometimes I almost thought I was really insane.

I know there’ll only be 2 outcomes in the end.

If I were to fail. I know I’ll sure be contributing to the stories to be told to future potential re-joiners to test their confidence. I can also imagine people flocking their way to tell me “See, I told you so”. And if they can’t do it in person, they will use one of the world’s greatest technology – SMS to make sure I’ll get the message and regret for not taking their advice.

If I were to succeed. I’ll be fanning the flame of interest in many who secretly harbour the thoughts of returning but somehow refuse to acknowledge. And then life goes on for everyone.

Of cos, I wish for the latter outcome. Even if it doesn’t happen, then I’ll know for sure it’s a real bad case of decision-making and a learning experience for me. But I’ll move on and probably have to start thinking how I should make taitai my lifelong career. Or maybe I can go back to Bali and be the Surfer girl... wohohohohoo...

Wish me all the best! :)